


I Found You Just To Lose You Again

by untilyoucamealong



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Malec, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2019-01-27 07:27:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12576720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/untilyoucamealong/pseuds/untilyoucamealong
Summary: Magnus has been in a coma for two weeks now due to an accident.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey ! I'm sorry for any medical incoherence here, I tried !

The characteristic smell filled Alec’s nostrils as he walked through the doors of the hospital and made his way to Magnus' room. 

« Hey you » he said, entering, a small smile on his lips. He came closer, slowly brushed the hair out of his forehead and kissed it gently. Sitting beside Magnus on the bed, he took his hand in his own and talked to him like he always did. 

Magnus had been in a coma for two weeks now due to a severe blood loss caused by an accident. Alec only left his side when he had to. He couldn't be in their apartment knowing Magnus was here alone, so as soon as he finished working he would spend most of the evening here at the hospital, only going home to sleep.

He didn't know if Magnus could hear him but he kept him informed of everything that was going on at the institute and with their lives. Today he told him about his last mission, about how Jace almost got himself in trouble again or how Simon wouldn’t shut up about some movie he was apparently supposed to have seen. If it didn’t help Magnus, it helped Alec, it was his way of reaching out, of keeping contact with him.

When it was time for him to take his leave, he kissed Magnus' hand and whispered « I love you » before heading out.

Alec had almost reached the exit door of this level of the hospital when he suddenly heard noises coming from the nurses’ office. When he turned around he noticed all of them were running towards the room he just left and his heart stopped.

He instantly rushed towards the room himself, trying to make his way in but the nurses were blocking the entrance and the view. He kept shouting for someone to let him in or tell him what was happening but they just told him to stay back and let them do their job. 

« Save him. Please, save him » he said with his chin quivering and tears in his eyes.

While a man approached him to take him out of the room, Alec caught a glimpse of Magnus, but then his eyes fell on the straight line on the heart rate monitor.

His vision blurred and he was now panting for air, having forgotten how to breathe. He was absolutely terrified, more than he’d ever been in his life. He barely noticed when the man put a hand on his shoulder guiding him to the nearest place he could sit. He didn't need to sit he needed Magnus to live.

Pushing the hand away, he walked to the window of the room and did the only thing he could, watch the doctors and nurses trying to save Magnus while he prayed to whoever was listening for his love to be returned to him.

They were doing chest compressions but the straight line remained. They then proceeded using a defibrillator. He couldn’t tear his eyes away as they charged it and pressed it to Magnus’ chest as it lifted. Still nothing.

After a few more minutes the doctors were all looking at each other, defeated. The adrenaline faded and now all Alec could feel was pain. The deep dark hole in his heart threading to eat him whole.

« No, no, no » he kept muttering to no one in particular, his legs finally giving in, making him sink down to the floor. He brought his legs close to his chest and his head fell back to lean on the wall behind him as he closed his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks.

When Magnus was first brought to the hospital Alec wasn’t there, he was at work when he got the call. He couldn’t help but feel guilty, thoughts spiraling in his head like it did now, what if he had been there, would it have made a difference ? That’s probably another reason why it was so hard for him to leave the hospital and leave him alone again. Now he was gone forever. 

Wrapped up in his pain, Alec barely heard the sound. Not any sound, the one the monitor made when Magnus’ heart started beating again. The sound of life. The sound of hope.

As soon as he did, he lifted his head and immediately got up to see what had happened. After the doctors took care of Magnus, one came to him and explained that Magnus had suffered a stroke but his heart miraculously started beating again. That they still had to do further tests to check if it had caused any cerebral damage but that other than that he seemed fine. 

The tears now rolling over his cheeks were not caused by pain but joy. Magnus was alive and well, he couldn’t be more relieved.

From the moment he had sensed the panic with all the nurses running up to this very moment, he couldn’t help but imagine a world without Magnus in it, and what a dull world it would be.

He is his light, his strength, his home. He wasn’t fully living, having to deny who he was but then he met Magnus and everything felt right, like he was complete for the first time. 

When most of the staff had left the room he was finally allowed near Magnus’ side. He came as close as he could and stared at him for a long moment, trying to memorize every single detail of his beautiful face that he almost never got to see again.

« You scared me to death. Don’t ever do that again you hear me ? I want you to fight Magnus. For the warlocks, for you… for me. » he finished the sentence with his chin trembling slightly. « I don’t think I can live without you. Please, stay with me.»

 

Later, Alec called Jace to tell him about what happened and he insisted that Izzy, Catarina and he come to the hospital. He told him it wasn’t necessary, that they were probably needed elsewhere but he didn’t listen, of course. Stubborn this one. 

If he was being honest with himself, he was glad they decided to come anyway. With all the emotions he’d been through today, he could use the support. Not that he’d ever admit it.

They arrived within half an hour, coming straight to Alec asking how Magnus and he were. Not long after, a doctor entered the room, examined Magnus again and shared that his condition seemed to have improved and that he may even wake up in the following days.

The group shared Alec’s joy in sight of this good news and smiles were harbored on all faces. Alec couldn’t help but think that maybe Magnus had heard him. They were going to be okay, Magnus will wake up and it will be like before, they will be together again.

 

\------

 

His head hurt and his lids felt heavy. It took him some time to open his eyes entirely and adjust to the light of the room. 

He took in his environment, scanning the room. He looked around his brows furrowed, he was in an hospital room. But why ? He turned his head to the window and saw someone in the hallway, a familiar face. When that person turned her head and saw him, she instantly came in.

« Magnus, you’re awake ! » She said, a huge relieved smile on her face. She hugged him tight and he relaxed into the embrace. He had no idea what was going on but having a friend by his side reassured him. 

« You gave us a good scare, are you okay ? » she asked concerned. 

Before he could answer, Alec and Izzy came in the room, Alec immediately approached the bed to put his hand on Magnus', a relieved smile on his face.

He whispered his name and with teary eyes, he hugged him like he never wanted to let go.

« How are you feeling ? » he said, his hand resting on Magnus’ cheek.

« I-I don't really know. » He said, a bit lost.

« You've been in an accident but you're fine now. » Alec couldn’t stop the smile spreading on his face. Magnus was back.

Magnus looked at him in the eyes and after a short pause asked, confused, « I'm sorry but.. who are you ? »

Alec's smile faded instantly. « Wh-What ? Magnus it's me, Alec. »

Magnus looked harder, searching in his memories where he would have seen him before but nothing came up. He’s pretty sure he’d remember that face so he just answers « Am I supposed to know you ? »


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the second chapter as promised, I hope I didn't disappoint

Alec took a step back and looked behind him at Jace in disbelief. He was in shock, the love of his life doesn't remember who he is. 

He was overwhelmed with emotions, lost somewhere between the happiness of having Magnus back and the hurt of seeing confusion instead of love in his eyes.

Seeing how wrecked Alec looked, Jace intervened, « hey why don't you an I go look for a nurse to check on him now that he's awake ? Come on » he said, a hand on his back gently pushing him towards the door. 

« Are you okay ? » He asked once in the hall.

« Really, Jace ? How could I be okay ? Magnus doesn't even remember who I am » Alec was pacing and Jace harbored a worried expression, not knowing how to help him, how to soothe his pain.

« Wait for the doctors to examine him maybe his memories will come back, it'll be alright » Jace said, reaching to put his hand on Alec's shoulder but he backed away.

« How could it be alright, uh ? » He yelled, gesturing at the hospital room. « I've lost him, Jace. I just got him back then lost him again » he added, his voice wavering from the tears that were threatening to fall.

« Hey, come here » Jace said, taking Alec in his arms, holding him as his anger melted into sadness.

How does one grieve the loss of someone who's still alive ?

 

————————————————————

 

Catarina slowly approached the bed, 

« Do you know who you are ? Your name ? »

« I’m Magnus, Magnus Bane » he said matter of factly.

« Yes you are » she said smiling fondly.

Gesturing at Izzy she began the presentations « This is Isabelle Lightwood, she is the sister of Alec, the tall dark-haired guy, and Jace, the blonde one who were here.»

Feeling a little awkward standing there, a stranger to Magnus, Izzy said « I think I should go see how they're doing and leave the two of you alone for a moment » and with that she was gone.

« So, how are you feeling ? » she asked readjusting her position by his side, looking at him.

« I think I'm okay but I'm confused, do I really know all these people ? »

« Yeah, you do », she said taking his left hand in hers reassuringly.

His eyes fell on their hands and with a gasp of surprise he noticed a ring that wasn’t one of his. It was beautiful and definitely a wedding ring. He was married. But he never met someone he loved enough that he’d want to marry them. « No one that you remember » a voice in his head whispered.

Looking completely puzzled and without tearing his eyes away from the ring, his heart was beating fast as he asked slowly « Catarina, am I really married ? »

« You are » she simply answered, squeezing his hand gently which brought his eyes back on hers, and hearing the silent question in his gaze she continued « You’ve been married to Alexander Lightwood for almost a year now. »

He answered in disbelief, « What ? A shadowhunter ? Catarina, you know me, you know I wouldn't be with a- »

« But you did. You fell in love with him and he with you. »

Thoughts were spiraling in his head. He hadn’t opened himself up to anyone in a hundred years, Alec really must be special if he managed to break down those walls he had built around his heart. Despite the confident attitude he displays in front of people, Magnus really is just as vulnerable as everyone else.

Marriage was certainly something he never planned for himself. He had flings of course but nothing too serious. Relationships required opening up and that’s something he hadn’t been ready for, none of the people of his past would have wanted to marry him if they knew his dark history.

« How could they ? » he wondered to himself before he was snapped out of his thoughts at the sound of Catarina’s voice, « We’ve been told two days ago that you might wake up in the days to come, Alec hasn’t left your side ever since. He really loves you, you know. »

« I wish I could remember » he said, looking sadly at the ring. This promise that they made to love and cherish each other until death and he caught himself wanting to be that man, the one that was lost along with the memories.

 

————————————————————

 

Izzy came up to Alec and hugged him, circling her arms around his waist. He hugged her tight, resting his head on top of hers. He felt himself relax in the embrace, grateful that his family was by his side.

When they pulled away she looked him in the eyes and said « He’s confused but give him time and he may come back to you »

He sighed and answered, « what if the damage is too important and his memories never come back ? »

« He’s still the Magnus you love, just make him see the Alec he fell in love with. »

He huffed « it sounds easy when you say it »

« Because it is. What you two have is true love, you’ll find a way back to each other »

——

The next day when he entered the room again Magnus’ eyes focused on him.

« Is it okay if I sit here ? » he said motioning to the chair next to the bed.

« Not at all, please. »

« How are you doing ? Aren’t you getting too bored in here ? I know you dislike not doing anything »

« You have no idea. I’m bored out of my mind » he answered dramatically, which made them both laugh. 

« I guessed so. So I brought you something » he said searching in the bag he brought with him. « Nothing extraordinary it’s just cards but you loved to play so you taught me. What do you say, play with me ? »

« I’d love to. But I have to warn you, I’ve been playing for centuries so I’m heading for a winning spree » he said, a smile at the corner of his lips.

« I know, you always beat me » Alec answered with a laugh.

« So do you keep playing with me because you hope to achieve the impossible and win or do you just really love losing ? » Magnus grinned.

Alec wanted to answer « No, but I love you » but the words got stuck in his throat and he paused. He just smiled and answered « Who knows, maybe today’s the day »

They played for an hour and Magnus did win every time, tho he suspecting Alec has let him win a time or two. But it felt good, he was comfortable with him.

——

When Magnus’ condition was good enough, they let him get outside of the hospital for a few hours. He spent this time walking in the park with Alec. They would talk about anything and everything for hours. Alec made him laugh, he felt like he could be himself with him.

They had grown closer since he woke up and Magnus could clearly see why he fell in love with Alec. How could he not ? Alec is one of the best person he knows, he’s funny, caring, brave, smart, beautiful. 

On the day Magnus was finally allowed to go home, they took one last walk together. None of them really knew what would happen after but just enjoyed each other’s company for the time being. 

They sat on a bench near the lake, Alec was admiring the view quietly when Magnus turned his head towards him and took a deep breath before asking « How were we like, together ? »

Alec was a little taken aback by the question, Magnus had never asked about them before and he didn't know how to talk about it without it getting awkward. He didn’t want Magnus to feel pressured for things to go back to the way they were.

But it was natural he was wondering so Alec looked down at his hands in his lap and started, « Well.. we were great. I mean we had our ups and down but we always got back to each other. We completed each other, all I was looking for I found in you. » 

Magnus was looking intensely at Alec, he wanted so badly to be able to remember, remember what it was like to be loved by Alexander Lightwood.

« I know this amnesia is confusing for you and you may not remember who you are but I do. » Alec was now looking Magnus in the eyes, the same beautiful, wild eyes he fell in love with and continued, « you are kind, you protect fiercely the ones you love. You’re brave and smart, funny, when not sarcastic » he said smiling. « You’re the kind of person to step out of your way to make something right, I admire you for that. Your never-ending support and love helped me grow into a better version of myself. Finding you was like finding myself. You’re the best person I know, that is who you are. »

By the time he was done Magnus had tears in his eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d been so lucky as to have found Alec and been loved by him. Alec knew his weaknesses as well as his strengths, had seen his dark side and still, he looked at him like he was the sun.

With tears silently rolling down his cheeks, Magnus slowly reached his hand up to Alec’s cheek, letting his forehead fall against his. The world surrounding them stopped existing, having him so close. 

He could feel Alec’s every breath dancing on his lips, they created their own bubble, with a force so powerful it drew them together like magnets. When their lips finally connected, it was exactly what they hoped it would be. It felt like coming home. 

With their lips fused and eyes closed, their hearts beat as one.

Suddenly Magnus teared his mouth away from his, putting a hand on Alec’s chest to put distance between them, gasping for breath looking intensely at Alec.

« Magnus ? Are you okay ? Is- Is there something wrong ? »

Alec’s brows furrowed in worry but he didn’t have time to question him further, Magnus’ mouth crashing on his. One of his hand came up to his hair while the other went to the small of his back to tug him closer.

When they broke apart for air, Magnus had a huge smile on his face and, still resting their forehead together he said « I remember, Alexander », looking at him with such love in his eyes tears were forming in Alec’s eyes.

« You-you remember everything ? » he asked, wanting to make sure it was real, that Magnus really came back to him.

« Yes, all of it » Magnus replied, a huge smile on his face, looking at his husband through glassy eyes. « I love you » he added, placing his hand on Alec’s cheek, his thumb caressing it gently.

Alec placed his hand over Magnus’ on his cheek and couldn’t tear his eyes away from his, afraid that he’d disappear if he looked away. He didn’t know what to say, so he simply took Magnus in his arms, burying his face in the crook of his neck as he held him tight, never wanting to let him go ever again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading ! I hope you enjoyed, feel free to leave comments and tell me what you thought :)


End file.
